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Tokee

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eh... [21 Mar 2005|02:01pm]
[ mood | busy ]

weird as ever. and as clueless. and as other things that i think are too mean and stupid to say. hahaha. this is kinda my "secret" thing cuz the other one, too many people read and know. pharmacy school isnt hard. its about time management. some days youll have nothing to do. some weeks youll have enough shit to make you gag in your sleep dreaming about it all. this happens to be one of the latter weeks. yay. its interesting how you can cram all this stuff into one week. two exams, a presentation, my shadow experience, work 2 days, and a project due. fun. and then i had to get sick over the weekend for the first time in a looooooooong time. hahah the fates are how you say...against me? the more they pile on, the less i care. and still managing a's and b's. puahahahahhahahahahahahah. on the up side. i can sound uber smart talking about absolutely nothing at all. presidency is not all its cracked up to be. mostly because im held back by lazy officers. cant be helped i suppose. back to the action! -e

"hahah i am reTARDED!" - me
"it is pimps and hos?" - me
"use your judgment" -dr. mancano

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well! [06 Oct 2004|06:55am]
[ mood | Decent! ]


standing for truth, love and the pharmaceutic way.

Esther Kim. President of Temple University's Pharmacy Class of 2008. hoooah.

H
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word. -e

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whoa... [15 Sep 2004|10:49am]

its been forever already hasnt it? being cooped up in the same room with 150 other people for hour upon hour each day really teaches you something about yourself and your tolerance level. i think i figured it out. its not that people cant live without the people they think they love, its that they cant live without love once theyve had it period. maybe thats why "those whove loved before are more likely to find love again". is there such a thing as having too little cholesterol? oop. only an hour and a half left till i meet up with sylvia. i should go study then. having my own apartment ROCKS. except neighbors...no worries. one day ill graduate to owning my own four walls with nobody to share them with. and that would be awesome. -e

quote of the day: "all people change. we can only hope that they change for the better."
"shut up and rock"
"sounds like it might be strep throat"
"this day so suck"
"women peeing looks like old women waiting for the bus. men peeing looks like superheroes checking out their own nads"
"whats the matter? slap!"
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queero day [21 Jun 2004|07:18pm]
[ mood | bored ]

this is what happens when you have to change your entire work schedule around ONE stupid spanish guy in mexico. i swear if i get mugged or some shit going home tonight on SEPTA, im gonna sue this company....


Xuan Wu ~ Turtle
You are Xuan Wu!

Mythological background: Because the turtle has a
thick, solid shell that serves as protection -
this animal is associated with stability. You
enjoy intellectual pursuits.
Also, in Feng Shui (the Chinese myths behind
choosing a house), the black turtle's solidity
is used to protect from cold northern winds.


Which Chinese Mythological Being Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


HASH(0x8a943b4)
schizotypal


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla


shoot
Don't get blood splatters on you when you shoot
your victim. Your methods are a bit uncouth but
your finesse and sense of style is impeccable.
With a bit of guidance you could live among us
in the world of vampires.



How would you Murder?
brought to you by Quizilla

i dont get the guy with the guns=vampire thing...

Ballet Shoes
Ballet shoes- beautiful, graceful, and creative,
you enjoy dancing writing and music. You are
often very poetic and sometimes dramatic. You
keep to yourself aside from a few close friends
that you can relate to. [please vote! thank
you! :)]


What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


nothing
You're addicted to.....

Nothing!
Your addicted to nothing at all? Well..... ok I
guess thats a good thing but come on just think
of the possibilities!


What are you addicted to? (pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla


Aua Marine Mermaid
You are the Aqua Marine Mermaid. You are pure and
brave. Strong and True. Your best freind is
your seahorse, your steed. You have fought many
battles in your own life and in the sea. No
matter what challenge you overcome it.
Congratulations there are very few of you.
Would you rate my quiz for I am brave too?


What kind of mermaid are you? (Gorgeous Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

id better stop now or this page will take forever to load...-e

"i hate penis-eating minnows and i hate freaky fruit..." -beck (rundown)
"im NObodys bitch!" -jet li (the one)
"i got trampled twice!" -ewan mcgregor (big fish)
"ohh!!! oh i dont know what you did but you melted my face off!!" - dewey finn (school of rock)

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whilst bored at work.... [03 Jun 2004|04:53pm]
my little pony
You're My Little Pony!! Sweet and innocent and
happy, you make people want to spew burrito
chunks. Even a Care Bear could kick your ass.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

pfft. whatever. i could SO beat on a care bear.

CWINDOWSDesktopPowerRangeres.jpg
Power Rangers Movie!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

what the shiii....

HASH(0x8ab44e8)
You have a Lost Soul. No one is really sure what
that can always mean, because it can be defined
in many ways. As Legend goes, lost souls were
the spirits of passed away people who are
neither in heaven nor hell. They walk the
earth, brooding mysteriously, always appearing
when you expect it least. So hence, if you have
a Lost Soul, then you are probably very
insecure and shy. Stuck in your own little box,
you watch the world fly by as a loner. You dont
know your place. You seemingly dont have a
place in society or an interest. You are a very
capricious person, and are confused and
frustrated about where you belong. You crave
for the sense and feeling of home-but have not
obtained it yet.


What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

um..ooookay. but the chick is hot tho.

well thats all for now ladies and gents! gotta scoot me boot. laters!!! -e

"uh..thats not mine." -puss in boots (shrek2)
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holy fucking shit! [01 May 2004|04:50pm]

i got IN.

Temple University School of Pharmacy Class of 2008.



hooooooah.


-e

quote of the day: "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! wheeeee! wheeee! hahahah awhooooooooooooo hooooo ahahahahhaha aayyayayayayayayayyayayayayayaya ::claps like an idiot:: aahahahha awheeeee!!"
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mof [16 Apr 2004|05:50pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]


my sister disowned US. haha couldnt be more ecstatic.

Happy belated Easter all.

Nope. still no news from Pharm School.

I hate Organic Chemistry. or more specifically...the guy who teaches it. grrr....

-e


"pKa of an ester. 25. theres 5 different ways to synthesize a ketone. 5 different ways to synthesize a carboxylic acid. 7 different reactions that acid halides undergo. at equilibrium the keto is favored over the enol. enolates can be isolated in pure form at room temperature. when naming an aldehyde, simply replace the alkane -e ending with -al. beta keto esters are more acidic than esters because of the stability of the resulting anion through resonance. the difference between resonance forms and tautomers is that tautomers are two different compounds with different energies and resonance forms are different representations of the same compound. hard nucleophiles react with hard electrophiles and the same is true of soft. a pi bond is lower in energy and therefore easier to break than a sigma bond. in the stork enamine reaction, a carbonyl group is completely reduced to an alkane..."

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when the world is boring and studying is driving you insane... [14 Apr 2004|04:15pm]
orgasm to death



You Will Die Orgasming To Death!


When it comes to sex, you're like an energizer bunny on crack.

While this is normally a good thing, you don't cool down when you should.

If you're going to bite the big one while your naked, it will be simple.

Too much fun, and your heart will give out. What a way to go!



How Will You Die Having Sex?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva



perky boobs



You Have Perky Boobs!


As they say, "More than a handful is a waste"

You're perfect for the guy with refined taste

The next time you're teased by some big boobed hag...

Just remember that your boobs don't sag!



What's Good About Your Boobs?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva



hahahhah -e
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whew... [29 Mar 2004|09:17pm]

thanks for saving me kimmi over the weekend. if not for you and the kudos, i mightve bitten my own tongue out in an effort to allay the pain and suffering. hurray for kudos! muchas gracias. -e


quote of the day: "i dont eat people!" - my friend sarah
"you know why i think you dont fuck me no more? i think it is because you are a faggot that is what i think. that or you are cheating on me because if youre not fucking me you must be fucking someone else." -penelope cruz (blow)
"i have a growth on my lip! its a bump. not a lump. see a bump is like something of yours thats fucked up so it looked like a separate entity when its not but a lump is something thats something else thats growing on your body like breast cancer. see? lump not bump. but a bump on your head is when you hit your head really hard and the flesh kinda swells up in that weirdo thing called a bump. get it? its a bump not a lump." -me
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hahah hahahha hahahahah ahahahhahaa [19 Mar 2004|03:40pm]
[ mood | working ]


ask me how my week went. heh...-e


quote of the day: "do it. kill her." -red queen (resident evil)

"father...father..why have you forsaken me?" -jesus christ (the passion of the christ)

"but...i was told...you cant....but....i could burn down the building..." -milton (office space)

"those womens done turned him into a horny toad!" -the stupid guy (o brother, where art thou?)

"she had that delicious young fop murder her husband. they told everyone a slave did it. imagine what they did to him...." -lestat (interview with the vampire)

"i still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls." -cat (10 things i hate about you)

"therell be no white flag above my door..cuz im in love and always will be..." -dido (white flag)

"i could stay awake just to hear you breathing...." -aerosmith

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music... [21 Feb 2004|05:32pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]


i havent listened to music in a long time. today nicole left her stereo on so i could hear...and i cant get enough of it. i sing and dance to every song. i couldnt remember it being so wonderful. thank you eric. you made me love this again.

i dont think ill be going on livejournal much anymore. i dont feel like i have anything to write. and i dont have a computer. and i dont have time. too busy living out my moms dream for her im afraid..but ill be something. ill be something. happiness can wait. see yall on the flip. -e


quote of the day:
"i could have you disbarred for that..." -marilyn (catherine zeta-jones-intolerable cruelty)
"with rubber toys and soft cheese?" -johnny english (rowan atkinson-johnny english)

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well hey.. [12 Feb 2004|06:17pm]

i got an interview with temple pharmacy. march 18th, everybody please pray for me.


H
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-e

quote of the day: "how about thursday?" -june (pharmacy school admissions office lady)
"ok well then you get up tomorrow at five and go to the hospital and walk around for 12 hours in fuckin wal-mart sneakers ok?" -koren (talking very calmy on the phone with her boyfriend nick)
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shit... [29 Jan 2004|06:21pm]

sorry i forgot to call you kimmi. i went to eric's house and did my laundry. in all the hub bub i forgot. plus my phone doesnt work in his house. if i remember to..ill call you tonight ok? it might be a little late cuz i have to study and call all these other people after 9 first but i WILL call i promise....shit. im really sorry. -e


quote of the day: "shit man..ellins gone. im OUT" -me (in reference to leaving work early)
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quoi? [27 Jan 2004|03:23pm]
[ mood | tired ]


yay pink. its so cold these days that its extra effort to go outside anywhere and inside is just really boring. and im really tired but im at work....siiiigh....needs the moneys yknow? on the up side...after maybe 2 more payments...ill be done paying for this year of school so i can just relax and live in my great apartment for however long i have it for. stupid temple. of course...ill still have to pay for my credit card shit and my phone stuff but...yknow..itll be better. man im so tired i fell asleep in creative writing today. theres 15 people total. its a little hard to be inconspicuous. ah well. and after all this fun ill have to go home and study and junk before i can go to sleep. oy...i worked out today during my lunch break. did a mile and a half on the elliptical machine and then 5 sets of 10 reps of arm curls. my everything has stopped working needless to say. this year for my birthday...id like money. and um...yknow random other things...but mostly money. heh. poor yknow? my mom called my cell yesterday but i was in the shower and didnt pick up. =( she hasnt called my phone in a long time....shoot. ah well. -e

quote of the day: "~ay ay ay ay ay...ay yai mi amor...ay mi morena y mi corazon...~" -el mariachi (desperado)
"i deserve to be rewarded!"

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these are fun when youre bored and junk [24 Jan 2004|02:10pm]

01. Name: Esther the Molester "thats my fester-ing" Kim
02. Single or taken: sold and shipped.
03. Sex: yesh please! ha....gay.
04. B'day: soon. 30th
05. Sign: Do not Disturb. and Wrong Way.
06. Siblings: Yumi and Eujean
07. Hair color: skin-tone. ha.
08. Eye color: brown. and sometimes when im really angry...brownER.
09. Shoe size: 7.490
10. Height: stubby

r e l a t i o n s h i p s

01. Who are your friends? the people who are like, "heeeey!" and know me in the street.
02. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? mwuh huh.
03. did you send this to your crush? nah. filled out another on xanga.
04. did your crush send this to you? nah. ganked from the kimmiola

f a s h i o n | s t u f f

01. Where is your favorite place to shop? um...various malls. online.
02. Any tattoos or piercings? "no. it just seems like too much trouble for some sub-cultures notion of beauty"

s p e c i f i c s

01. Do you do drugs? YESH OK??? YESH! (no.)
02. What kind of shampoo do you use? bar soap.
03. What are you most scared of? my mom, small spaces, lightning/thunder, big dogs, guns, failure, rejection, embarassment, breaking.
04. What are you listening to right now? old school printers doin their thang.
06. Where do you want to get married? new zealand. new york. on a cliff somewhere. someplace high.
07. How many buddies are online right now? dunno.

f a v o r i t e s

01. Color: silver. red. white. on occasion black.
02. Food: hahah here we go...hot salsa and tortillas, grilled chicken caesar salad, silken tofu soup, shin ramen, kimchee (moms), kalbi, steak, cheesesteaks (of both the chicken and beef variety), curly fries, regular fries, donkas, cookies, cheesecake, pastries with filling, korean mocha cake, chips and that onion/chive dip, grapes, strawberries, cherries, tomatoes (RAW and WRIGGLING.... oh wait..), brownies, pb&j, pb&honey, mint chocolate chip iced cream, fajitas, bacon cheeseburgers, sushi, the bread from steak & ale, garlic bread, mangoes, bananas + peanut butter, my omelets, cold cereal, pudding, flavored coffee (on occasion), gourmet korean food, real chinese food, beef ravioli, lasagna, beef stew, fettucine alfredo, reheated pizza, nearly anything you can eat with your fingers, blueberry muffins, and many more....
03. Boys names: written down somewhere.
04. Girls names: see above
05. Subjects in school: personal defense for women. film and media arts. intellectual heritage.
06. Animals: bunnies. sometimes cats. puppies. baby ducks. fat squirrels. fishies with long pretty tails.
07. Sports: um...badminton?

h a v e | y o u | e v e r

01. Given anyone a bath? yesh.
02. Smoked? im decent but ive never caught fire from the sexiness...
03. Bungee jumped? no.
04. Made yourself throw up? mmm....ye-no?
05. Skinny dipped? mmm.....ye-no?
06: Ever been in love? mm. it hasnt been but it feels like so long ago.
07. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? no.
08. Pictured your crush naked? ive pictured EVERYONE naked
09. Actually seen your crush naked? its amazing how easily someone will take off their clothes if you ask them to...
10. Cried when someone died? yeah.
11. Lied: hahahha hahah hahahahah ahhahahah hahahahhah ahahhaa
12. Fallen for your best friend? yeah.
13. Been rejected? by whom? no way! i went up to a random chick once and put my arm around her and pulled her up close and whispered things in her ear and yo...she liked it.
14. Rejected someone? yeah. and prolly a few times unknowingly.
15. Used someone? its all about the use and abuse.
16. Done something you regret? twice.

c u r r e n t

clothes: ever-present hat, scarf, kick-ass matrix coat, black sweater, white snap button shirt, white tank top, white bra, blue skivs, blue pajama pants, blue jeans, black/white/grey argyle socks, black skechers.
Music: silence
make-up: chap stick. which reminds me...
Smell: smells like teen spirit. i dunno. old books. im in the library.
Favorite artist: dali, da vinci, brom, escher, my oldest sister.
Favorite group: dont have one anymore....
Book you're reading: edgar allen poe collected works.
CD in player: dont have it.
VHS/DVD in player: the crow

l a s t | p e r s o n

you touched: one of my roommates.
you imed: oy...um.....dre?
yelled at: eric

a r e | y o u

Understanding: i try to be. not these days tho.
open-minded: its all good.
Arrogant: with my family i think so. sometimes with people who are stupid.
Interesting: i am many weird things...
Random: heh...
Hungry: actually yeah. i had breakfast at 7:30 this morning and then sat down and concentrated for like 4 1/2 hours straight.
Smart: people think so.
Moody: YESH OK??? YESH!
Hardworking: when im motivated.
Organized: messy at times but for the most part. i like putting things in pretty boxes.
Healthy: still alive....breathing clear....eyes can see.....ears can hear...mouth can speak and taste....body works...mind works......guess so.
Shy: yeah sometimes.
Difficult: hehe.....
Attractive: its hard to see someones face when theyre always wearing a hat and glasses and things around their neck. people call me that tho...
Bored easily: no. i play with trash man.
Messy: exactly.
Responsible: because my stupid older sister isnt.
Obsessed: im a stalker.
Angry: ill fuckin fuck you in your fuck fuck!
Sad: numb more like.
Happy: at moments.
Hyper: naw.
Trusting: no. people are sick fucks and i can deal with my own shit too.
Talkative: depends on who im with.
Legal: adult? yeah. drinker? no.


Get really wasted with: nobody. i dont drink.
Get high with: see above. and replace "drink" with "do stupid shit"
Look like: chibi something
Talk to offline: my roommates. myself. eric.
Chatter to online: dont do that.
In the morning i am: making myself get out of bed.
All i need is: a gun and two bullets.
Love is: a silly-faced mystery with odd temperment and a sweet tooth. two-faced. kooky. the most sadistic form of torture.

w h i c h | i s | b e t t e r

Coke or pepsi: cherry coke
flowers or candy: flowers AND candy hohohohoh
Tall or short: =( i am many little things...

o p p o s i t e | s e x

What do you notice first: hair, eyes, hands, butt, chest, shoulders
Last person you slow danced with: kasa
Who makes you smile: han, romeo, kasa, eric, kimmi, me, shirley, my roommates, esther, teena, my high school friends
Who gives you butterflies in your tummy when u see them? i think my stomach digested the butterflies
Who do you have a crush on: my right hand. not really.
Who has a crush on you: yeah like i would know that.

d o | y o u | e v e r

Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone to IM you: i did.
Save conversations: i did.
sex: do i ever sex? what myself? yeah. with other people? well...yeah
Wish you were younger: no.
Cry because someone said something to you: im a dork like that.

n u m b e r

of times i have had my heart broken: twice. same person.
of hearts i have broken: not too sure. know of at least 1.
of guys I've kissed: 2
of girls i've kissed: oy...um.....something like....pfft...i dunno....20+?
of continents i have lived in: lived in...1
of tight friends: 0 we dont stay tight.
of cds i own: like 7
of scars on my body: yeah cuz um..i count them and all.
of things that i regret: 2

y o u r | t h o u g h t s

I know: "what 'real' is dont ever tell me to 'get real'".
I want: to live for real.
I wish: things would happen the way id like.
I hate: people who are lazy, stupid, irresponsible, spoiled, affected, posers, pussies.
I fear: ill live all my life doing what my mom wants.
I fight back tears: when people yell at me, when im frustrated and cant relax, when im lonely and tired, when im cold and alone, when somebodys critisizing me, when people bring up the past, when i bring up the past, when i realize something awful ive done, when life rears its ugly head, when people really let me down.
I wonder: what it wouldve been like if id waited just a little longer. where id be if id run away. what would happen if i did what i want.
I regret: only those 2 things.
I love loudest: the little things

f i n a l | q u e s t i o n s

01. do you like filling these out: sometimes its like talking to a shrink who just asks questions and doesnt say anything when you reply.
02. how many people are you sending this to: the bazillion people on lj.
03. who will send it back: nobodys.
04. least likely to send it back: um..complete strangers?
05. gold or silver: silver
06. what was the last film you saw at the movies: lotr or once upon a time in mexico
07. favorite cartoon/anime: simpsons, adult swim, used to dig rayearth, chobits, sailor moon, and oh my goddess
08. what did you have for breakfast this morning: bowl of cocoa puffs and a banana with peanut butter
09. who would you love being locked in a room with: God
10. could you live without your computer: well i dont have one so..yeah
11. would you color your hair: if i had any maybe
12. could you ever get off the computer: im about to
13. habla espanol: si. no mucho.
14. how many people are on your buddy list: i forget i havent seen it in a while.
15. drink alcohol: no. but virgin mixed drinks are a rockin good time.
16. like watching sunrises or sunsets: yes.

COMMENTS: sometimes ill think something to myself and smile or laugh and then people look at me weird and then ill notice that they are and then think theyre staring and make the angry scary killer asian bitch face and then theyll run away. or i will. heh. i have sweater marks on my wrist now.


-e

quote of the day: "i want his mariachi pants." -me (in reference to antonio banderas' clothing in desperado)
"oh my god..." -eric
1 comment|post comment

hmph... [21 Jan 2004|05:14pm]
[ mood | drained ]


i just realized that my birthday is in 9 days....class in center city at 6 at night....oy. its cold. and tired. at least i dont have work this week....but next week i do...till 8. groovy. you know what i figured out today? people have "their ways" and my "way" is if someone or something gets to be crappy and assholey and on my nerves, i just ignore them till they grow out of it or fuck off totally. and i guess a lot of people have become that way for me cuz i dont really talk to anybody anymore. i basically ignore everybody. hahahhahah....hmph. ah well. i had so little sleep last night that ive been napping all over the place. on the train. in the honors lounge. craziness. at least i run into people i havent seen in a while now that classes are in session again. stupid temple. upperclassmen are no longer being offered any housing after this semester. only freshmen. ugh. pigs. -e

quote of the day: "asians!" -didi
"aljfoaiuflja joau lajfoaij jalfjoiaj right? and ljoajflk aoufjlaj foiajf a jofaije flajofaj joajf joajoaljflekj right? andlfjoauf right? oaiufoj ajhofujelfj aoijf eright?" -my creative writing prof

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eh heh... [19 Jan 2004|03:16pm]
[ mood | bored ]


im a little sad today. and a little tired. im sad because i saw this movie last night that made me think things i thought about a long time ago and reminded me of regret that ive longed to forget. and the movie wasnt that good. it wasnt all that meaningful. it wasnt even that well made. it was just...honest...and a little scary how bare it made me feel. im tired because i drank too much green tea before attempting to go to sleep and was tossing and turning lots. that was BEFORE one of my roomies came home and didnt have her key and so was knocking on the door at 2 am. and then vomiting in our bathroom for a few hours after that. for those of you who dont know...my bathroom is about 4 feet from my bed. excellent for late-night potty trips but not great for when your roommates yawning in technicolor. its unbelievably cold out again today. tomorrow..classes start up again. thats not a very appealing idea. its a good thing i dont have to buy many books this semester. i can be glad and thankful for that. i didnt save up as much as i wouldve liked to this break. with any luck, ill stay on top of my studies more than i did last semester and maybe the pharm school will accept me in a timely manner so i wont have to go through the painful process of trying to transfer to another school's pharm program. the pcat's are this saturday. i did not study for them. i am hoping that my sister is right about how easy it is. altho..im not very good with my overall....basic math anymore. heh..i tried real hard to forget everything after calculus. and it worked too heh...i retired all but 4 of my rings into a jewelry box. i had so many it was getting rather ridiculous. not to mention a bit gaudy/tacky. so i kept the 4 that meant the most to me from the people who mean most to me and the rest...i put away. for safe keeping. i need to buy new jeans. my favorite pair is now extremely worn and getting holes in places....not to mention shrinking in the wash. i hate jean shopping. i can never find the pair that i like. you ever see one of those movies where theres a person who falls in love with somebody and somehow is separated from them. they convince themselves that its for the best and that person wasnt right for them...so they find mr or ms perfect and then discover that as perfect as that person is...they dont love them. its then that they regret ever parting with their first loves and always recall the one who got away. its been done to death. very cliche. and yet it always gets to me. hmph. hour and a half left for work. blah. who saw vh1's 100 hottest hotties? angelina jolie was #2. beat out ONLY by beyonce knowles cuz her booty couldnt be reckoned with BUT still better then britney spears, justin timberlake, george clooney, tom cruise, j. lo and all of those posers out there.

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i dont care what anybody says...that woman could make anybody whos straight gay and anybody whos gay straight. hooah. -e


quote of the day: "i tell you now that if i had not been sworn to secrecy i wouldve mustered enough emotion to relay my broken heart even to YOU marianne...." -miss dashwood (sense & sensibility)

"for heavens sake willoughby....what is wrong?" -marianne

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ahh..... [14 Jan 2004|12:30pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]


i feel much better now that im not at home anymore. my apartment may be just as boring but it's not stress-inducing so i can relax. "ignorance is bliss" work keeps me busy during the days and stuff which i can be glad for cuz it gives me something to do and i get a little extra money for books and junk. school starts up again in less than a week. my mom and dad called last night. theyre in china now. its funny. they say "i love you" with regularity now. im so unused to it that i dont really believe them. i was thinking...."i remember a night when it was really late. im not sure what happened that day but it probably involved lots of yelling and degradation if not beating. i went downstairs, it was very dark. i took a large kitchen knife with a white handle and went to where my mom was sleeping on the couch...i held the knife good ole fashioned psycho style with similar intentions. it was so quiet i swore that she would wake up because of my pounding heart. i couldnt do it then....but i had this overwhelming sense of fear that if she were to wake up and see what i was trying to do, i would do it to preserve myself. slay her. and then since any explanation i made up would not be believable to my sister, go upstairs and kill her too..." lately food is tasteless. i keep eating it from boredom. any amount of sleep makes me more tired. things linger in my head that have no business there. my hands are cold. "old tigers are extremely ferocious when they sense that their end is near" as much as i ignore it. i cant stop considering in my mind, imagining it. its enough to make me never want to go home again. i think i realized sometime today....maybe before...i cant stand the sound of ringing phones. -e

quote of the day: "till that day.." -longbough (the way of the gun)
"my dad used to play this game with me. and i didnt even realize it until he was gone. the game was that i was always smaller. he could be invisible as a human being but as long as i was smaller it didnt matter....i never won the game....and if he couldnt make me smaller with words...." -george (life as a house)




whats the matter?

use and abuse? ha...what do you think shes doing to parker?

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fuckin piece of shit!!! [05 Jan 2004|06:25pm]
[ mood | angry ]


jeeeeeeeeeeeezus h. christ.
you know whats stupid and irresponsible and reckless?
goin out till all hours of the night with shady peoples, being a mall rat, shirking your shit, fucking up, getting caught, and getting your head busted in for it.

you know whats just plain DUMBASS?
doing it when youre 22.

man im so glad im working now. and im so glad i have my own apartment to come home to. a nice one that DOESNT smell like stale cigarettes, that DOESNT have beer in the fridge, that DOES have food, thats NOT boring and isnt always swarming with people till 4 in the morning. it is one fucked up thing to be stood up by your own sister when you live with her. no. in fact, its bullshit. i hope she gets 2nd hand lung cancer and dies.

im so sick of hearing people complain about stupid shit. news flash: NOBODY CARES!! you think we dont have own our shit to worry about? you think youre the most damaged and pitiful person in the world? get a clue!!! that is definitely NOT the case so cram it and get your shit together yourself cuz hey nobody else is gonna do it for you or keep mouthin off and lose all or friends or get a smack in the mouth. i can no longer cope with just venting to one person. now i am bitter enough to need to have to complain to ALL people. i cant wait till my mom comes home and rips her a new asshole like she did us. CANT WAIT! god my head hurts. stupid motherfuckers. -e

quote of the day: "well you were freakin out so i purposely told everybody i couldnt do anything tonight." -my stupid sister


jee...thanks a lot. that was really great of you.

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merry christmas everyone!! [28 Dec 2003|07:55pm]
[ mood | chipper ]


i know its a little late but merry merry everybody. today i said goodbye to my parents. theyre going to china. that was a sad occasion but i know God will watch over them. on the up side i got a b in physics which was like whoa! and an a in o. chem which was like yeah! i got my own cell phone too cuz my credit is kickin. heres the number if any of yall wanna ring me up sometimes. 215-359-6293. i think thats what it is anyway. going to drop off a friend of mine to the airport later tonight. much much later tonight. the holidays are nice tho....happy new years everybody! heres to a new year and a new way of life! ^_^ muuuuahs! -e


quote of the day: "interpol, freeze!" -watson (the medallion)
"speak up america, speak up!" -elle (legally blonde 2) ==> retarded movie by the by
"be cautious of beautiful women mr. laurio. especially if theyre interested in you." -magneto (x2)
"b-e-a utiful" -bruce (bruce almighty)
"im disinclined to acquiece to your request....means no" -captain barbosa (pirates of the caribbean)
"i mean look at us! our jockeys too big, our horse is too small, our trainers too old and im too dumb to know the difference!" -the rich dude (seabiscuit)

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